A few weeks ago I was driving a bit too fast. Got caught by a mobile camera – was apparently doing 71mph in a 60mph zone. I’m not offering any excuses, I was after all breaking the law.

Rather than the usual UK thing of 3 points on my license & a £60 fine, I opted for a speed awareness course. Still £60, but no points.

The four hour session was a waste of time. No gore pics, just four mind numbing hours from some smarmy and “humorous” advanced driving instructor saying basically stick to the speed limit.

Comedy moments included the polish girl who didn’t speak more than a few words of english and the cool guy who, when asked to put his first name on a badge wrote “Mr T”. “Tim”, as it happens, was a bit of a wanker; we were asked what kind of vehicles we drive and on what kinds of road we cover most miles, eg. Van, mostly motorways. Tim’s turn came around and and he said (in a poundland rapper-esque voice) “yeah, I got a BMW 328 and an Audi, drive around towns. Urban”.

Desired outcome of course – sensible drivers.
Actual outcome – 1 confused girl, 1 unchanged wanker and 23 people who probably wanted to punch “Tim” in the cock.

To clear things up, I am not someone who routinely drives above the legal limit, nor do I think I have legendary driving ability. I will keep a better look out for speed cameras from now on though.